Select Adventures

Thomas is with his friend Albert. Their very first night hitchhiking, they are offered to stay in the home of one of their drivers. Thomas is stunned. He did not know if anyone would even give them a ride in the first place. It is not an “easy” trip — it involves nights outdoors getting bit by ants; walking long distances; being rejected by people for hours on end; and some tricky situations to navigate (for example, realizing your driver is on drugs and not driving well, and has her toddler in the car). But Thomas learns that people can be so much kinder than he realized. 

(And he eventually meets many other hitchhikers and low-budget travelers, and learns that these lessons are largely universal, among people who put themselves out there with effort and resilience, but also without expectation.)

Wow. There is so much Thomas comes to love about hitchhiking.

Another one, is that there is something so intimate about the small space of a car, and in spending a few minutes, a few hours, or even a few days, with someone who you will never see again. — In this setting, what’s highlighted is your common humanity — in that both of you are on the same “path” for these moments; and in that each of you is willing to take a chance, in having great trust in a total stranger. And what’s truly highlighted for the hitchhiker, is that this person is being kind to you, and doing you a great service, which ultimately, at least at the time of writing, only a very small percentage of people are willing to do for you. — In this context, the rapid expansion of mind that can take place, is enormous. — Is this person a Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, or independent? Which different group identities do they share with me, and which ones are different? On which issues do we vehemently disagree, and on which do we agree? Did they warn me that I better not try to pull anything funny, because they have a gun? Are they racist? Are they communist? — None of this matters. — What matters, is that I was stuck on the side of the road for hours or days, getting rejected by thousands of people, having someone here and there yell something nasty at me, and maybe even crying; and this person sees me, and wants to help me, no matter who I am. Something so few people are willing to do, at least in this particular, unique circumstance, of hitchhiking. This person is willing to take a chance on trusting me in their own car. Why? Don’t I pose the potential, more so for risk than reward? Are they crazy? — I am forced to keep an open mind to them, no matter what our differences might end up to be. I am forced to see their points as best I possibly can, and to be so unbelievably respectful if I want to express anything different. — Because the main thing this person is, at least in this moment, is *incredibly* kind. — I thought I was open-minded before hitchhiking; but I was wrong.

Thomas is not particularly good with kids at this time, or with people in general, or with his confidence. But he learns that in volunteering, the biggest appreciation generally comes, simply in just showing up, more so than being great at what you are doing. You are already great, the moment you show up, and try. — And, Thomas develops skills… becoming better with kids and social situations, less shy, etc… slowly but surely, along the way.

In 2009, I got my college dining services — to permanently transition to cage-free eggs — although they greatly opposed the idea for financial reasons.

This directly and concretely — resulted in 1,000s (and over time tens or hundreds of 1,000s) of animals suffering less.

I was working off some slight momentum that was building. – For example, I could point to some other scattered colleges, and even some countries, in which exclusively cage-free eggs were utilized.

I didn’t know it at the time, but — my work also — directly and concretely — would build into this momentum — which ended up to be a global, historic trend — resulting in literally BILLIONS of animals suffering less. Yes, BILLIONS.

You see, there are 8 billion chickens in the United States at any given moment. Back in 2009, only about 3% of them were kept in cage-free conditions. Today, that percentage is 21.3%. That’s a positive change in the lives of ~1,464,000,000 chickens at any given point.

I can’t overstate how few people there were, overall, in accomplishing this. In my neck of the woods, it was simply me leading, with some great support from an amazing man, from the amazing Humane League.

___

Important factors that led to success:

+ being kind to my dining services ‘opponent’ from the start and throughout.

+ understanding things from their valid perspective (‘to make up for the increase in egg prices, might I have to fire one of my employees?’).

+ making my campaign as friendly as possible to all people, in order to make important alliances and gain as much support as possible.

+ bringing together the various stakeholders and trying to find a solution that could be agreeable to everyone.

+ turning up the pressure via petitions, surveys, and media stories as needed… again, with the objective of bringing people together as much as possible, to have the best chance of success.

Thomas starts off with an acquaintance Nick, but after only about a week – in Colorado – they part ways, and Thomas is hitchhiking alone for the first time, and for the most part, for the rest of this trip.

A variety of amazing things happen, in between patience and usual rejection by (understandably) indifferent people. Most notably, gaining a “second family” who had taken him in for one night after picking him up, but then ended up hosting him for several months. 

Through the ups AND downs, Thomas moves from semi-agnostic toward believing in God.

Read a journal excerpt from this trip: Plinko.

Thomas gets fired from his job. He decides he might as well hitchhike again. On this occasion Thomas also brought a video camera with him, because he felt he was gaining important lessons that he wanted to try to share with others.

Thomas learned about an annual “Hitchgathering” event, that hitchhikers would hitchhike to from all over the world… taking place this year on the Black Sea in Bulgaria, at a beach in which it was allowed and free for people to camp and sleep at. He decided he needed to go, for his own experience and learning (and for fun), and also because it would provide a great opportunity to get additional footage for the documentary he was now working on editing. — He printed various common phrases, and important hitchhike phrases, he might need, in the various language areas he would be crossing into; and hit the road. 

Moments on this trip that were particularly beautiful, were those in which Thomas and his driver, could barely speak to one another, but in which there was an embrace of the common humanity regardless, and a reliance more so on body language and trust, and less worry about our detailed ideas and stances about this or that topic of life. (This also happened a select number of times in the US when Mexicans would pick Thomas up. Although Thomas does speak a tiny bit of Spanish.)

— To give an idea of Thomas’ personal travel style, since he knows the stats from this particular trip: For these 6 weeks, visiting 12 countries, Thomas spent under $2,000 USD, including airfare to Denmark and back from the US. He worked for some months ahead of time to save up this amount of money, before heading out. — On this trip, Thomas did not pay for a single place to stay overnight… his general default being to pitch his 1-person tent in various places; while also being taken in to a number of homes without ever asking; while also occasionally seeking out a friend or “couchsurfing” host ahead of time, for a place he knew he was going to be at. — Thomas did not carry a phone or any electronic devices for the duration of this trip. He would try to get on a computer every few days to email to loved ones that he was well and look up a few things. (On Thomas’ previous trips, he did carry a flip phone.)

Held as a part time job until 2018, when I was maliciously ‘forced to quit’; and then continued on regardless, with monthly hangouts and help, to two of the same people I was previously getting paid to work with, as they had become my friends.

The biggest accomplishment of this trip that Thomas knows of, is in changing a woman’s mentality fully away from a suicide plan (without knowing she was previously suicidal; until the morning after she graciously invited him to her home, for dinner with her and her mom, and for a place to crash for the night).

Someone in Japan, Karen, thinks the movie is so important, that she subtitles it in Japanese (for free) to further its reach, and creates several screenings.

This was a winter-only shelter. Thomas varied in his hours – from once a week; to once every other week; to fill-in… semi-respectively for: winter 2013 – 2014; winter 2014 – 2015; winter 2015 – 2016.

In between, Thomas also had two short stints at the same facility, helping with their after-school program for homeless youth.

Thomas had already befriended many homeless people across the country, as he was often sleeping on the streets himself. He had also stayed at a homeless shelter himself just two or three times, to keep warm when it was particularly cold outside, and when he knew he wasn’t stopping anyone else from getting a spot at the shelter.

Assisted 15 people in varying capacities, in some of their final moments before transition. I was often assigned Huntington’s patients (who sometimes could not speak well despite being conscious) — as since I play guitar, that enabled me to have some kind of quality time with them, outside of conversation. I also was generally able to know some of their favorite songs from them or from family members, and learn and play those songs for them on guitar (such as the Uzbek song I did a take on, in the video above).

One bittersweet highlight, was getting the mom of a girl in a coma to smile and laugh for the first time in the months that I have been visiting to talk and play music. I wrote, “Best part of the new year so far — getting the mom of a girl in a coma to smile and laugh for the first time in the months that I have been visiting to talk and play music. Volunteering is super fulfilling — find your niche.”

As was the case with my first big volunteer experience some years ago, with Big Brothers Big Sisters — I now felt that this was about at the edge of my comfort zone. But I decided to jump in, and the same processes kicked in… where I was appreciated just for showing up where someone was greatly needed; and then I also developed skills along the way.

When regularly visiting nursing homes to see clients, I also befriended, and sometimes assisted, others who were not necessarily on hospice. Such as my friend Paul. (Pictured above) 

Notable “action” sessions: 

– school-wide ‘kindness contest’ day resulting in over 1,000 confirmed acts of kindness in a single day; 

– student-led final project, of figuring out how they can help on the student-chosen issue of domestic violence… researching… discovering a possible need, for stuffed animals (to be given to kids entering the local dv center)… deciding to organize an ice cream sale, and marketing it, to raise money, to purchase these stuffed animals, to be given to the dv center for kids entering their safe space from chaos.

Argentinian Juan Villarino has hitchhiked in over 90 countries. He has been called “the world’s best hitchhiker” by The New York Times; and “the only guest I have envied” by podcast host Tyler Cowen.

Juan’s book “Hitchhiking in the Axis of Evil –By thumb in Iraq, Iran and Afghanistan” is a beautifully written must-read for hitchhikers and non-hitchhikers alike. (Thomas has previously helped Juan in editing the English version of this book, and in trying to get it published in the US.)

I slept outside in the winter for a week… to emphasize the disparity between poverty in the US vs poverty in the developing world; and to raise money for Fistula Foundation, coinciding with International Women’s Day. I raised $6,588 this year, and continued fundraising for FF on IWD for several years after.

Get Naked – For a Good Cause

Annual event series for charity, on International Skinny Dip Day (the second Saturday of July).

In 2019, there was $871 raised among 3 locations… expanding every year, to in 2023, $5,574 raised across 12 locations. Total raised so far (as of 2023): $17,090.

Learn more at https://skinnydipday.org.

The Red Talk conference – founded by birth doulas – features women’s issues discussions… from a perspective of divine femininity / pro-women AND divine masculinity / pro-men 🤯.

Check out the videos Thomas has edited for them at their youtube channel.

Check out various Men’s Group guides, and Thomas’ other top resources for men, here.

Summary:

Long Distance:
2008: Hitchhike North Carolina to Texas with my friend Albert
2009: Hitchhike solo round trip New Jersey/West Coast/ all over
2010: Hitchhike solo round trip New Jersey/West Coast/all over
2011: Hitchhike solo round trip Denmark/Turkey/all over
(^ 26,000+ miles total)
2013: Walk solo from Portland, Maine to Pendleton, Indiana
(^ 1,000+ miles)

Short Distance notables:
2015: Mexico: Tulum to Punta Allen to Cancun solo (2 days) (pictured)
2016: Within Netherlands with my two new friends (1 day) (pictured)

Pick up info
& NOTE ON SAFETY:
I have picked up every hitchhiker I’ve seen…

(*except one – after all, it’s NOT smart to offer extreme trust to EVERYone…

I do think it’s healthy to offer great trust to others, as a general default…

But it’s ALSO healthy to NOT do things you personally aren’t comfortable with; and to follow your gut… alongside your head, and heart…

and please do NOT pick up hitchhikers… if it makes you uncomfortable… or, if you may not have a good sense about navigating the RARE, but POSSIBLE, dangerous encounter… or, if you simply don’t feel like it! There are MANY other ways to help people! And someone always picks up the hitchhiker anyway… eventually 🙂

…and if you DO want to pick up hitchhikers, read up on basic etiquette and safety first

…and if you want to hitchhike yourself, read up on safety from that perspective also

…and check out other good travel resources here and elsewhere.

Since there are not many active hitchhikers where I generally reside (maybe I’ve only seen 7 or so while driving)… I more often offer rides to people who look like they SHOULD be hitchhiking, for example… people walking along busy & dangerous highways, people carrying lots of stuff, etc… Sometimes such people look at me like I’m crazy; other times they are extremely grateful.

Personal hitchhike and walk style:

+ technology: “dumb” phone or no phone; no computers etc;
+ sleeping: urban camping/regular camping/couch surfing (mostly “offline” couch surfing; sometimes also used the old couch surfing website);
+ companions: travel mostly solo but have had 7 or 8 short-term hitchhike partners; most people I’ve successfully hitchhiked with at one time: 4.

The above are select adventures. Importantly, I also GREATLY appreciate the time (and travels) I’ve spent with my family and friends… even though I don’t include some of this above, for various reasons.

Note: I also believe it’s its own beautiful adventure, to not do any of the type of things I did ‘select’ above, and to just stick with family life stuff, or totally different topics. – For example… I didn’t have any kids to take care of, and no immediate plans to have any… so I did a lot of hitchhiking and ended up helping strangers semi-often. On the other hand, if I had kids (or just wanted to be more into family or friend life), I probably wouldn’t have as much time for hitchhiking, and I would be taking care of family more so than strangers.

…. I find that the non-hitchhike life can be under-romanticized, in this manner, and I don’t wish to contribute to that, even though I’m choosing to only highlight those aspects of my life on this particular, public page. — I can just as easily be amazed at someone who took the time to get a family going, working hard, (etc), as they sometimes are of me, for hitchhiking. They are just different and beautiful paths of life 🙂